bounty

Show Us Your Party Trick

Posted on by mylifeasadomestictechnician

Not that we’re going to any parties.

But now seems as good a time as any to use this time wisely and put in the hours to practise an existing trick. Or to at least find one for 2021.

I’ve compiled a list of 20 popular tricks and skills based on my ‘extensive market research’. (I basically Whatsapp’ed all of my contacts and discovered that I know a lot of weird and wonderful people with skilllllz.)

See if you can recognise yourself somewhere below:

  1. Touch your nose with your tongue. (Starting basic. My dog is really good at this though.).
  2. Apply lipstick a la Molly Ringwald in The Breakfast Club.
  3. Make floating spit bubbles. (Zac Efron can do this. And a hilarious girl called Katie on Instagram)
  4. Whistle super loudly. (See previous blog. Am still trying and have had numerous offers for tutoring.)
  5. Drop into the splits. (Seems like a boring one but you try doing the splits.)
  6. Following on from the splits…The ‘Mork & Mindy/Star Trek Vulcan hand sign’ of split fingers.
  7. Again with fingers, ‘stack fingers of one hand on top of one another’. (Niche… but a talent nevertheless.)
  8. Speak ‘havagav’. (Come on, it’s a skill. Loads of people just can’t master it.)
  9. Say the alphabet backwards, at speed.
  10. Do at least 20 keeps-uppies.
  11. Moonwalk. Properly.
  12. Juggle.
  13. Perform ‘Jump Around’ word perfect. (You know who you are.).
  14. Perform ‘Fuck tha Police’ word perfect. (Different to person as above. You know who you are.)
  15. Tongue click/beatbox, especially to a Waltz tune. (You my darling, are completely on your own.)
  16. Bend just the tips of your toes a la Stacey Solomon. Also, bend just the tips of your fingers (You know who you are.)
  17. Flick eyelids inside out (a boy who sat in front of me at school could do this. Scary. But secretly in awe.)
  18. Dislocate shoulder and pop back in.
  19. Flip a ciggie from forehead to mouth seamlessly. (Cool af.)
  20. On the ciggie vibe again, blow smoke rings. (Married to cool af above. #couplegoals)

Am going to add one more for luck – my personal fave – because we need shitloads of luck in 2021.

This particular skill seems to have zero use, other than the fact that it impresses me. (Wife of friend who can do this trick says it’s ‘highly fucking irritating’.)

Sorry if I’ve built this up now.

Some of you might find it a letdown, but we’re at rock bottom with 2020 so hopefully things can’t get much crappier. Drum roll please…

21. Spin a pen – don’t @ me. It’s mesmerising.

My own personal skill? The ear wiggling.

My actual ear – and yes, they both move at the same time

An even cooler skill is creating something fabulous from a glut of ‘Celebrations’. (Seamless segway right there…)

In the 90s whilst studying in Manchester, I remember going to Oliver Peyton’s bar/restaurant called ‘Mash & Air’ and sampling dessert one night which blew my mind for its simplicity and yum factor. Randomly I saw the ‘recipe’ featured in a magazine so I ripped it out and kept it for posterity.

Anyway – here it is. Stuck in my recipe book. Although it’s hardly a recipe. More ‘simple instructions’. Either way, it creates something marvellous that appeals to me on every level/layer.

Dessert goals right there

So, that’s it for the year.

Thank you for reading my blog and especially all the likes, comments and shares. It really does mean a lot to me and I hope to continue sharing my musings in 2021.

Happy HEALTHY New Year to all.

x

Hallo-mean

Posted on by mylifeasadomestictechnician

In a blink of an eye, somehow it’s end the of October and Halloween is upon us all. No longer is it just a small celebration compared to our American friends across the pond who go large or go home for Halloween shenanigans.

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Otherwise known as ‘All Hallows Evening’.

Which became ‘Hallowe’en.’

And now, as we commonly know it, Halloween.

No wonder they simplified it. People can’t even get their apostrophes right at the best of times, especially when high on sugar.

Some believe that Halloween ends the harvest season, which, spookily coupled with the fact that it occurs at the same time the clocks go back, it does seem to make sense. If you’re in this blog for some big facts about where it all originated from, then  The Telegraph link gives some pretty interesting viewpoints, including the fact that people used to carve turnips, not pumpkins.

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Can’t take credit for this

Without wanting to sound like a misery (which would be a totally apt costume), Halloween doesn’t sit well with me.

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“I’ll take good care of you. I’m your number one fan.”

This nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that it is a Pagan festival. (Room for all beliefs on this blog).

It’s just because I like getting value for money with things and I’m a big punter for cost-per-wear when buying clothing. So, try as I might to get my kids to recycle something from ‘the dressing up box’, they’re not having it.

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“What about a fairy princess zombie?” I ask.

(raised eyebrow from daughter #1)

“How about a rainbow unicorn devil?” I say cheerfully.

(raised eyebrow from daughter #2, although very, very hard to tell as she is super blonde and the eybrows will definitely require future tinting.)

“Maybe a mermaid monster?” I suggest helpfully.

(They both leave the room at this point.)

I summon up all the determination I have remaining after a two week half term stint and suggest a fun option for the youngest.

“How about bloodying up the fabulous pink tafetta ballgown that your sister wore in the school concert last year?” (Ebay £12.99)

Eldest throws a tantrum and refuses to give up the dress that she will never wear again and which no longer fits, simply that she loves it as ‘a memory’.

My turn to raise an eyebrow, which doesn’t go un-noticed by eldest.

“Mummy, can I customise your wedding dress then? It doesn’t fit you and you’re never going to wear it again….”

Fair point, well made.

But no. My dress shall sit in the loft, in all its tissue paper and boxed glory, until I can re-eneact the scene from ‘Pretty in Pink’, thus living out all of my John Hughes 80s fantasies.

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Andie – my hero

With a heavy heart I drag myself to the computer and thank and berate in equal amounts, those clever people at Amazon for inventing Prime.

My girls hear the keyboard click and come rushing in…

“That one! That one! ‘Zombie cheerleader’, Mummy!!! Quick – turn on 1-click!”

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They are not fools, my offspring.

Upon me questioning the ‘zombie cheerleader hybrid’ being akin to a ‘zombie princess mish-mash’, ie. ‘scary’ merged with ‘sweet’, I am again met with a double set of raised eyebrows.

At the end of a two week half term stint, I am weak. And I give in, high on fumes of ‘We love you! Best mummy ever! Thank you thank you!’

It all just escalates from there really…

The loft decorations are brought down and as if by some Chanukah oil-burning miracle, the Poundland spider wreath decoration still has life in it and the battery is still going strong two years later.

As if by magic (dark fucking magic), there are lanterns and plastic ghosts and jars of eyeballs now adorning the front of my house that would make Jonathan Ross proud.

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Woss’s house

Just when I thought I had gotten away with it, the annual pumpkin request is made and we head off to Morrisons for pumpkins.

So we’re pretty much Halloween ready.

Costumes  – √

Pumpkins – √

Decorations – √

Sweets for visitors – √

The trick part? Getting my kids to bed so I can hunt down the Bounty miniatures.

If that makes me a freak, I’m happy with that.

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A bounty of Bounty

Happy Halloween.